It’s Holiday gathering and Christmas getaway time. Are you so excited to see how tall your nephews got, to hold the new baby, to taste your brother’s pot roast and your aunt’s cookies? Are you also perhaps a little anxious, that emotions will run high, that certain things will be said? Or not said? We all want to truly connect over the holidays, feel grateful, loved and seen. Even in the best of families, the holidays can be triggering. Here is a brief guide on how to stay sane with your extended family over the holidays:
1) Meet your Needs
Do not put yourself last. Check in with yourself whenever you get annoyed or upset. What do you need? Food, water, alone time? Eat when you are hungry, as opposed to getting upset for how long it takes everybody to get ready and out the door. Go visit that art exhibition or tree lighting ceremony, if that was your plan. It’s your vacation too! Read your book for a while in bed, when another family has a meltdown and the tension gets to you. And remember, there’s a reason we put this first on the list—to give the others, you have to give to yourself first!
2) Check in with your family unit
Take a walk around the block with your spouse and kids to re-group and check-in. Express your expectations regarding upcoming events and behavior. Talk through an upsetting event and discuss possibilities on how to do better next time.
3) Walk away when getting emotional
Are politics for breakfast just not your thing? Don’t get angry, but do leave. Not upset, just say a nice goodbye and get some personal time (refer back to item 1 above). Go to the beach, listen to the waves, be present. Don’t dwell. You know the opinions of your bunch by now. You know you won’t change them. Having different world views is just fine. Nobody can judge or validate you, but yourself.
4) No triangle gossip
We all know that family member, the one who starts whispering as soon as one person leaves the room. Don’t take the bait. If there is something you would like to know about a situation, ask the people directly involved. If you are asked about another person, refrain from feeding the rumor mill. Say a friendly: why don’t you ask her herself?
5) Don’t mess with bedtime
Especially with smaller children, routine is everything. No matter how fun it sounds to play board games until after midnight, you know that your 4-year old will have a meltdown and be useless the next day.
6) Keep it short and positive
Is there a subject that your dreading talking about? Your illness, your husband losing his job, your kid failing in school? Don’t get defensive, don’t over explain. Say something acknowledging the issue and end on a positive note, like: yup, we’re still going through some trials, but we have hope.
7) Create memories
Bring the light. Make somebody smile. Sing! Caroling, as a family together, at the tree lighting ceremony, before ducking into the Whale Museum for hot chocolate is an absolutely magical holiday experience. Leave treats or little toys on the beach trail for the kids to find (and make sure they find them all--so you don’t litter), or treat your family to a Winter Wildlife Tour. For more fun tips for a family getaway to San Juan Island, check out our 10 Reasons to visit San Juan Island in December.
